The “Real ID” Nightmare: Now Available at Your Local DMV

 

Ah, the Real ID. A shiny little card that screams, “Papers, please!” Because nothing says “land of the free” like standing in line to pay your own government for the privilege of being tracked like a package.

Let’s rewind. After 9/11, the government slapped us with the “Patriot Act”—a title so cynical it might as well have been written by Orwell’s ghost on Ambien. It wasn’t about patriotism. It was about ripping the spine out of privacy and hanging it on a wall.

Then Edward Snowden dropped the bomb. Turns out, the NSA was already playing Big Brother’s Greatest Hits—recording, storing, and analyzing every digital breath we took. It wasn’t hypothetical. It wasn’t future tyranny. It was already here. And our leaders? They took a long, deep breath—and did nothing.

But the real villains? The cheerleaders of compliance. The “I have nothing to hide” crowd. Bless their hearts—they think innocence is armor. Meanwhile, the government is pumping out new laws like candy from a Pez dispenser. You break them daily without knowing it. Ignorance isn’t just bliss—it’s compliance.

Let’s be honest: you’re not a citizen. You’re a data point. They know your transactions, your routes, your social circles, your bedroom habits. Every swipe, every tap, every late-night text—catalogued. You didn’t opt in. You were born into it.

Freedom? Orwell warned us. But even he didn’t imagine we’d voluntarily fund our own surveillance, cheer for it, and livestream the moment we handed over our rights.

Then came COVID—sorry, the China Virus. The virus may have had a mortality rate, but the government’s response had a motive: obedience. They shuttered your businesses, your churches, your schools. Not to save lives—but to see how far you’d bend. The answer? Far enough to break.

And we learned something dark: people will obey anything if you scare them enough. Tell them it’s about “safety,” and they’ll crawl into the cage themselves—and bolt the door from the inside.

So here we are. Smiling for DMV cameras. Paying for IDs we don’t need. All so the government can know exactly where we are, what we do, and who we are—at all times.

We joke about Nazis. We cite 1930s Germany like it’s ancient history. But remember: that wasn’t a horror story—it was a bureaucracy. With paperwork. With ID cards. With death.  All with total obedience.

And history doesn’t repeat. It just updates the interface.

So go ahead. Smile for the camera. Pay the fee. Get your Real ID.

The state thanks you for your cooperation!