Oh, network TV news. That bastion of truth, justice, and completely unbiased reporting. You know, the one that bombards you with endless stories about how the world is going to hell – right before cutting to a commercial about the latest miracle drug that might just send you there personally.
Yes, nothing screams credibility quite like your favorite talking head delivering doom and gloom, only to be immediately followed by a cheerful ad from Big Pharma. You know the ones – where they promise to fix your life-threatening ailment (or maybe just your slightly annoying rash) while whispering, oh-so-casually, that their wonder drug might also cause heart failure, sudden death, and a desire to howl at the moon.
But wait – it gets better. You can’t just stroll into Walgreens and demand this life-altering elixir. Nope. You’ve got to sweet-talk your doctor into writing a prescription. Fortunately, doctors are more than happy to help since Big Pharma hands out financial incentives like candy at a parade. Who knew curing people could be so lucrative?
Fast forward six months, and surprise! Your miracle cure turns out to be more of a nightmare. Cue the lawyer ads, proudly announcing that if you took this drug, you might be entitled to compensation – because who could have guessed that “may cause death” actually meant may cause death? More ad revenue, more lawsuits, more confusion. A perfect cycle of profit and pain.
But here’s the real kicker: Big Pharma’s obscene spending on TV ads is basically life support for network news. Without these lucrative deals, the so-called news would shrivel up like a forgotten houseplant. Imagine that – the propaganda machine grinding to a halt because their cash cow finally got put out to pasture.
Ah, but the first amendment – it’s a tricky little thing. Apparently, it protects drug ads but not cigarette or booze commercials. Go figure. RFK Jr. has been waving the flag to ban pharmaceutical ads, and honestly? Why not? Anything that makes network news sweat a little is worth the effort.
So, let’s raise a toast (to non-pharma-sponsored beverages) and dream of the day when TV news has to stand on its own – without Big Pharma cashing in on our health crises. Maybe then, they’ll actually report some real news. Or, more likely, just go broke trying. Either way, sounds like a win to me.
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